Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
