I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
