my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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