Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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