Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
