I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
