She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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