history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
