moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I want her autograph on my taint
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
