i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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