I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
