I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize