He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
