i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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