i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
