I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
