like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
