I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
