mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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