____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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