I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
