I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
