you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
