Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
