i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
