forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
