Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
