I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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