wrigley field is MILF paradise
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Do you remember whose house we're in?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
