you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
a search helicopter?!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
