matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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