remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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