i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Congratulations! We have a period
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