dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
