You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
