just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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