Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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