Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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