He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
