I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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