I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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