When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
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