At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
