I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
im six kinds of drunk right now
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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