...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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