I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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