My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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