i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
