you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
