Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
