If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
