pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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