Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
