I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize