spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
