Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
