Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
