he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
