He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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