Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
