Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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