you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
