Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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