Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
