You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
