I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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