He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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