remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
